Confessions of a land dwelling starfish...

Watching people break up is like watching a car crash into a tree and explode.  Two cars on a dark road - one car barreling down the highway, out of control with high beams on unable to see anything in front of them.  The other is rolling slowly, oblivious to what's coming with one headlight out.  But when they finally look up and realize they can't share the same lane, it's too late and they swerve to avoid collision - one corrects too far in an effort not to hurt the other driver.  The other just keeps going in a wild panic watching the flames roll into the air and billows of smoke cloud the sky. 

Poetic...no.  A metaphor for the fate of most relationships...perhaps. 

I don't particularly like watching car accidents, but as they say, it's hard to turn away once you see the inevitable.  And by then you've seen it happen so many times, you don't even flinch anymore.  Another one bites the dust...or smashes the tree.  All the same.

Aside from the metaphor, clearly I understand that at least 99% of people will do whatever it takes to not be alone - the limits of what they will endure or inflict seem to find no bounds while in pursuit.  I was there once, I get it.  But only once, when I was young and learning, and I promptly moved on because it wasn't for me.  You might think, oh she's just heartbroken and hasn't found the right one, that's why she's so cynical about relationships.  From the inside looking out, I'd think that makes sense, but you'd be wrong. 

I haven't been on a date in over 6 years and I haven't had sex in 3-1/2.  Am I a lonely, obese, single woman with bad body odor and bacne?  Nope - not to too shabby looking if I do say so myself.  Am I a feminist, lesbian who refuses to come out into the open?  Alas, not that either.  I'm not celibate, depressed, religious, infertile, confused or crazy.  I'm that odd 1%. I don't need to "get back out there" or "meet new people" to be happy.  I try to comprehend the usual rituals, but you people don't make any damn sense. 

I suppose being the minority (extreme minority), it's more difficult for me to grasp the concept of a true relationship.  I understand the purpose of reproduction, but what's the point of partnership?  Someone to stress over, hold hands with, pay half the rent, babysit the offspring...all unnecessary.  A domestic partnership, girlfriend/boyfriend, husband/wife, boyfriend/boyfriend, wife/wife, whatever, is no more than a tax break and the hope that you won't be alone in the end. 

But honestly, we're all alone in the end aren't we?  Even with the love of your life, or maybe just the lust of the moment, when it's done, you don't get to bring a passenger.  Only one person can sit behind the wheel. 

Why social media makes my eye twitch...

When I'm out anywhere at anytime with a group of friends, it never fails that at some point the realization will hit me that everyone has their phones out...and they're all texting, gaming or on some pointless app. 

Does anyone care that you're on level 80 of Candy Crush.  No.  Will it change your life when you finish the game.  Doubtful.  Unless by the end you come to the conclusion that you just wasted months of your life.  Why?  You don't know.  And neither do the other millions of people playing.  Oh wait...that's right...it's a game of strategy and wit.  Yeah. 

Is the world a more creative place thanks to your latest Pinterest post on turning toilet paper rolls into jewelry storage.  Absolutely not.

Did my world fall to shambles because your status changed from "In a relationship" to "It's complicated" in the past 24 hours.  Not likely.  How unfortunate for you.

It's so irritating.  I get anxiety from my annoyance with how people cannot manage to part from their phones for the length of time it takes to smoke a cigarette on a break.  Put the damn thing away for a minute.  I promise it won't disappear and the world will not end.

What happened to us?  When did the world become so nosy...so dependent...so...depressing?

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the evolution of technology as far as gadgets go, but it's the reliance on knowing every facet of everyone's life and relationships and pictures and interests.  It's overwhelming.  The only people that should care about you are your real friends and family, not the 800 Facebook friends you've accumulated over the past 10 years that you've never seen in your life. 

Am I missing the point?  Is there some greater use for social media that I'm overlooking?  Instagram, Twitter, Facebook...they're all the same people. 

You don't need to post a "selfie" everyday...you still look like you did yesterday...a complete narcissist.  Nothing dramatic has happened between the time you "Got my totes fav latte at Starbux!!! XOXO" and "Stuck in traffic with my latte - YOLO - Amazeballs!!!"  If you put one more hashtag in your Twitter post, no one will know what the f**k you're talking about.  Play another round of Candy Crush...watch your brain cells shrink in defeat.  Those puppy pictures are just adorable...please stop showing them to me because I really don't care.


Effing stupid.